The Nightmare

I'm running. I'm tired, exhausted, afraid. I don't know where I'm going or what's behind me. It's chasing me....hunting me down......toying with me. It's laugh, so cynical, so evil, like it's mocking me. I'm running away, but I don't know which way to turn....left.....right...or maybe up. As I run, flashbacks haunt me. Every time the beast spoke, a new memory appeared. Visions of my friends revolting, betraying me, abandoning me. There's something wrong....these memories are not my own.  It's feeding me lies, but I'm too terrified and naive to notice. The beast gets closer. I can smell it's breathe, it's stench choking me....engulfing me...strangling the life out of me. I'm engulfed in fear, it's gravity weighs me down. I'm sweating now, the pressure is too much for me. Its getting closer, and there's no escape. I'm crying now, with tears that flow so cold.The beast is tempted, it knows its winning. The creature approaches, even closer than before. With fluctuating intent, it burns a hole through my sanity. It began to speak, with a voice so eloquent, with an utterance so malicious. It brought me pain, so intense, so permanent. Every time it spoke, chills rolled down my spine. "You're worth nothing, no one can save you. No one will even try to help you, just finish yourself off now." The demonic tone in his voice is so painful. It hurts me from the inside out, it's affecting me like a toxin.  My head is throbbing.....lack of oxygen.......I'm losing consciousness.......getting sleepy......closing my eyes.......fall....ing.......flowing....into.......deep.....sleep....."You're a waste of a soul" is the last thing I hear before my mind drifts away, before it escapes.  I wake up to voices screaming, no, shrieking in my head. "Where am I?" "What am I doing here?" I get up and I notice that I'm still in darkness. It's cold, yet I don't feel anything. How can that be? I'm shivering in this dark place, not out of frost, but of fear. My confidence is unknown, forgotten. My path is destined for failure but I MUST move on. The shrieking, once so unnerving, turns into innocence,  a child-like laughter. "No one will love you, you're a waste of space", is what they sing...over.....and over.....and over again. I want it to stop, but it wont. I want silence, but there is none. I can't take it anymore!! I must escape the voices, I must break free. I began running at a steady pace. I move further, and f u r t h e r,  and  f  u  r  t  h  e  r away. The voices are getting louder, and louder, and louder. 

I see a light, so dim in the distance. As I get closer, the beast from before blocks my path. "You won't escape. You have nothing to live for. Be afraid and run like the coward you are." I look at it's distorted face, into it's demanding eyes and run straight ahead. It's time that I settle this. I MUST move on. There's a brightness, a luminosity.

...............................................................I see the light..............................................................................

I wake up and I'm greeted by silence.....peace.  I can't really remember what just happened, "Was it a dream...or was it reality? Were the voices right? Am I really a waste of space?" My head still hurts.....but I'm thankful that the nightmare is now over.

Soon after my frightful encounter, I come to the grim realization, that the beast in my nightmare was  a reflection of myself. My mind concocted this creature from the all of the negative thoughts and emotions that compiled as time progressed. The voices, the child-like laughter, mirrored my younger self mocking the cowardice disposition that I displayed. My greatest fear is the fear of myself. I'm afraid of one day failing to become the man that I strive so hard to be. But, even in times of stress, I must remember that I MUST move on. I must face my challenges and work to conquer all that stand in my way. If we can't even manage to have belief in our own success, do we really even deserve to have the capability to believe at all?