Our Voice: Nightmare Compilations

Our Voice: Nightmare Compilations: THE NIGHTMARE Part 1: The First Encounter I'm running. I'm tired, exhausted, and afraid. I don't know where I'm going or what's behind...

Nightmare Compilations

THE NIGHTMARE

Part 1: The First Encounter

I'm running. I'm tired, exhausted, and afraid. I don't know where I'm going or what's behind me. It's chasing me....hunting me down......toying with me. It's laugh, so cynical, so evil, like it's mocking me. I'm running away but I don't know which way to turn....left.....right...or maybe up. As I run, flashbacks haunt me. Every time the beast spoke a new memory appeared. The visions of my friends revolting, betraying me, abandoning me, flooded my fragile mind with sadness. There's something wrong....these memories are not my own.  It's feeding me lies, but I'm too terrified and naive to notice. The beast gets closer. I can smell it's breathe, its stench choking me....engulfing me...strangling the life out of me. I'm engulfed in fear; its gravity weighs me down. I'm sweating now; the pressure is too much for me. It’s getting closer and there's no escape. I'm crying now, with tears that flow so cold. The beast is tempted, it knows its winning. The creature approaches, even closer than before. With fluctuating intent, it burns a hole through my sanity. It began to speak, with a voice so eloquent, with an utterance so malicious. It brought me pain, so intense, so permanent. Every time it spoke, chills rolled down my spine. "You're worth nothing, no one can save you. No one will even try to help you, just finish yourself off now." The demonic tone in his voice is so painful. It hurts me from the inside out; it's affecting me like a toxin.  My head is throbbing.....lack of oxygen.......I'm losing consciousness.......getting sleepy......closing my eyes.......fall....ing.......flowing....into.......deep.....sleep....."You're a waste of a soul" is the last thing I hear before my mind drifts away, before it escapes.  I wake up to voices screaming, no, shrieking in my head. "Where am I?" "What am I doing here?" I get up and I notice that I'm still in darkness. It's cold, yet I don't feel anything. How can that be? I'm shivering in this dark place, not out of frost, but of fear. My confidence is unknown, forgotten. My path is destined for failure but I MUST move on. The shrieking, once so unnerving, turns into innocence, a child-like laughter. "No one will love you, you're a waste of space", is what they sing...over.....and over.....and over again. I want it to stop, but it won’t. I want silence, but there is none. I can't take it anymore!! I must escape the voices, I must break free. I began running at a steady pace. I move further, and f-u-r-t-h-e-r, and f—u—r—t—h—e—r away, but my ears are still being invaded. The voices are getting louder, and louder, and louder. 

I see a light, so dim in the distance. As I get closer, the beast from before blocks my path. "You won't escape. You have nothing to live for. Be afraid and run like the coward you are." I look at its distorted face, into its demanding eyes and run straight ahead. It's time that I settle this. I MUST move on. There's brightness, luminosity. 

I see the light…

I wake up and I'm greeted by silence.....peace.  I can't really remember what just happened, "Was it a dream...or was it reality? Were the voices right? Am I really a waste of space?" My head still hurts.....but I'm thankful that the nightmare is now over.

Soon after my frightful encounter, I come to the grim realization, that the beast in my nightmare was a reflection of me. My mind concocted this creature from the all of the negative thoughts and emotions that compiled as time progressed. The voices, the child-like laughter, mirrored my younger self, mocking the cowardice disposition that I displayed. My greatest fear is the fear of myself. I'm afraid of one day failing to become the man that I strive so hard to be. But, even in times of stress, I must remember that I MUST move on. I must face my challenges and work to conquer all who stand in my way. If we can't even manage to have belief in our own success, do we really even deserve to have the capability to believe at all? All of these thoughts make me wonder, “Is my fight really over?” The nightmare hasn't been defeated yet. My journey is far from over, but only time can tell if whether I win or if the darkness finally takes over.

Part 2: The Nightmare’s Return

After our first encounter, I had felt as though that I had defeated you. It’s been a while since I last faltered your efforts at igniting my suffering. Little, did I know, that my so called “victory” was all a ploy. You are the embodiment of evil, in what you caused. I felt like I was stronger, like I could take on the world........ I was wrong. You wanted me to build a sense of false confidence. You once again manipulated my sanity, driving me to inevitable madness.  You came back to haunt me in my dreams. You received pleasure from altering them, changing them from the pleasant things they once were, into the horrific traumas they are now. What was once thought of, as a soothing release of my stress, has now manifested itself into the catalyst for my insanity. Every night it's the same thing. I struggle in bed, turning and jerking into awkward angles. I sit up on many occasions sobbing. My tears fall so violently. I stay alert, hoping that I don't fall asleep, in fear of having to face you again. Every night, it’s a fight for peace. I refuse to sleep because I know that if I shut my eyes; you will be there, waiting for me. With your psychotic smile, demonic inflation in your extravagant voice, and your pain inducing stare, you will taunt me. You will break me into pieces; tear me down to my lowest level. You make me feel like I'm worth nothing, useless. You use your tremendous size and your chaotic power to intimidate me, to push me into a corner so that I can't do anything to defend myself. I've driven myself insane trying to deal with the pain you've caused. My mental state is unpredictable. My emotional state is uncontrollable. I can't even talk to my closest friends, in fear that they'll leave me to suffer alone like you said they would. "Like you said they would". How did you gain this much control over me? Last time we met, I confronted you, ended you. Why did you all of a sudden come back? What do you want from me? With a voice that carries nothing but malice, you repeat over and over "No one will love you. You can't even be friends with yourself". I hear this day after day eventually believing it. Why won't you stay out of my head? I don't want to trust you. These demons inside of me are tearing me apart. I just want to be free. Be normal for once. All I want is to sleep without waking up in a pool of tears, or in unbearable pain. It seems to me that I can't get anything in this world. Nothing ever goes my way. I'm cursed to walk this earth alone, and afraid. Why can't I be happy? Why do I have all of these insecurities? Why am I suffering the way I am, at such a young age. I want answers......but the only way to get them is by tackling the problem head on. I must fight this battle. Overcome this obstacle. I must defeat this nightmare, or should I say, defeat myself once again. The fight with yourself is the hardest battle you'll ever fight. Let's hope that I can win mine without losing the bit of sanity I have left. …I drift effortlessly to sleep.

The darkness invades….

I wake up in a dream, no, a nightmare. I stand to my feet and search through the thick, obscure darkness. My vision loses all clarity as I begin to walk…step…step…..step. I continue my steady pace, blank in expression, lost within my own mind. I can hear the shadows calling my name, whispering into my tired ears. They voices are tempting me, musing me, like sirens calling the hypnotized crewmen to their doom. Step…step…step. I unknowingly walk towards something lurking in the unseen. My ears still housing the voices of my demise. “Come to us. Embrace us. Trust us. We will not betray you. We love you.” They tempt me. I inch closer and closer down this shrouded path. My destiny is predetermined. My efforts of resistance are useless. Step…step…step. I reach the end of the road, a ledge. I gaze down into the abyss. I’m gazing into my all-time low. “Come to us. Embrace us. Trust us. We will not betray you. We love you.” I start to believe. “What if these voices are right?” I inch closer. “What if what they speak is true?” One more inch. “They want to help me.” Another step is taken. “My loneliness is over.” I leap. “I can finally be happy.” I close my eyes as I fall recklessly into the unknown. My mind finally returns. “What have I done?” I have been misled. Embrace. Betray. Love. The lies they fed me have now thrown me into a whole new level of fear. When will the deceit end? As I fall into my subconscious, I begin to smell the stench of the beast. No, I am not falling into darkness. I am hurdling right into the beast’s lair. The stench suffocates me. I phase in and out of consciousness. I fall faster. My body begins to shut down. Fall faster. The gravity intensifies. Faster……I crash.

I wake to find myself spread out on a pile of stones…but these are more than just ordinary stones. I pick one up and closely examine its surface. There is some writing on the face of the rock but all I can make out is “When I grow up I wa…” then nothing. I realize that these are the ruins of my dreams and aspirations. My hope has sunken down into the deepest of darkness, just as I have. I begin to walk again down a path uncharted, towards a mysterious light at the end of the tunnel. I turn my head steadily and carefully to observe the tunnel’s jagged walls. “Come to us. Embrace us. Trust us. We will not betray you. We love you.” Those words, Embrace, Trust, Betray, are the words of the shadows. The voices got into my head, used me, manipulated me, and persuaded me. It was all a trick…but that’s not what’s important. I’m still trapped in the lair of the creature. I am in his domain and anything he says goes. Step…step…step. I walk cautiously towards the tunnel’s end. Step…step…step. The light is so inviting, enticing, I must keep on. Step…step…step. I reach the source of brightness. I can see everything now. So clear and so vivid is my vision as I approach. I know what I must do. It’s time to end this. 

A bloodcurdling scream leaves me frozen in my place. Its red eyes are gleaming with the intensity of pure hatred. I stand in place, unable to move. It leaps at me with incredible speed. No time to react……response impossible. I feel a pressure.

The Nightmare strikes….