A New Beginning

Well, I'm 18 years old and high school is over. Now I'm enjoying my summer before fall classes being at FSU, and I'm really just trying to figure out what it is exactly that I want to do with my life. After graduating high school I thought that I'd be spending my last summer before college by just going out and enjoying everything that I love, but honestly, I've just been sitting here at home and not really doing much of anything. That might sound insanely dull but if you think about it, it's not all that bad. I've been able to spend a lot of time with my family, which is always a good thing. Considering that my grandmother died a year ago, it's nice to really just kick back and enjoy your time with the ones that you love. I always figured that I had to travel and do all of these incredible (and expensive) things in order to be happy, but really that's not the case at all. With only two weeks left before I leave for university, I can't help but think about how my family will function without me being present. I mean out of all of my siblings, I'm the more sensible one. I predict a really comedic train wreck, but hey, that's family right? I probably shouldn't worry about them too much. I know they'll be fine. But the real question here, is will I be fine? I'm preparing to embark on a new chapter of my life. I'm slowly yet quickly becoming an adult, and I'm not sure if I can even handle it. It's like everything is happening at once. I guess the best way to describe the feeling would be to compare to sitting in a classroom, where everyone is understand the teachers ramblings except for you. I don't know what my next steps are supposed to be, and what's scary is that I can't rely on my parents or anyone else to tell me what to do. Starting now, everything will be 100% on me and myself alone, and I'm just not sure if I'm ready for that type of responsibility. Despite all of these somewhat negative feelings, I am pretty ecstatic about going to college. I am in love with my school, and I felt right at home the last time that I visited. With two weeks left until I make my big transition, I am prepared to do what it is necessary in order to work towards my life's end goal. I'm ready for something new. I'm ready to start anew.

Equality For All

For some reason, this society is too buried withing denial to really accept the fact that there is an issue with equality within this nation. Now I may only be 18 years old, but even I am aware at the utter corruption that is prominent. For example, did you all know that in 29 states it is perfectly legal to deny a job opportunity or fire a person solely based on his/her sexual orientation? Personally I find that to be utterly unconstitutional. It shows that a person, even though they may have exceptional credentials and the appropriate needs to satisfy the position, they can be denied the job because they happen to be a homosexual or bisexual, or anything other than heterosexual individual. Now moving on back to my original point, I see way too much corruption in my everyday life to believe that there isn't a problem. Whether it be from the treatment of women, the treatment of individuals who are of a different faith, racial equality, or gay rights, there is a very prevalent issue amongst the individuals of this society. Why can't we all just learn to get along for once? Why must people be denied their basic human rights? Ok, so it's wrong for a woman to get an abortion? It's wrong for gays to be married? It's wrong to have Muslims in our towns? It's wrong for minorities to want to succeed? The only thing that I see that is wrong, is the close mindedness that has developed. We are the United States. The land of the free, and the home of the brave. Why must we all have to fight for our human rights? I hear so many people complain about there being too many Feminists, or too many Gay Rights activists. Well let me tell you something. If we wouldn't have taken the rights of these individuals in the first place, then there wouldn't be a need for all of these movements. When is America going to wake up and realize that our current condition is what's really setting us back? When will we see that until we fix our internal issues, we won't really be making progress at all? It's getting really tiring having to constantly express these ideas. Like I said before, I'm only 18. What do I know? Well I know what it means to treat someone like a decent human being. And for the rest of my life I want to do something to help all of those who need it. I want to give people a reason to continue on and to live life happy. I want equality for all people. I want to show this country that we can be fixed.

Decay

 I face forward.
The Breeze blows.
The Wave crashes.
The Sun rises, while the Moon makes its descent.
The birds fly, they soar so high...leaving behind the troubles, is what that meant.
The River flows its own way. It listens to itself alone.
The Mountain displays its strength, reaching up to hold the sky. To keep it from falling. A mighty stone
The Earth spins, it revolves, it turns.
Just as how time watches us from birth til death, I observe the world.
I try to comprehend the beauty unfolding around me.
This monster. This being. This force. This nature.
I turn slowly.
The Toxin chokes the Breeze.
The Sludge contains the Wave.
The Sun shines on the wasteland, as the Moon runs to find safety in the dark.
The Birds cannot fly, being weighed down with new troubles. This pollution has left its mark
The Poison flows, as the River painfully roars.
The Mountain is covered. No longer strong like before
The Earth spins, it revolves, it turns.
Just as how time watches us from birth til death, I observe the world.
I try to comprehend the tragedy unfolding around me.
This nature. This force. This being. This monster.
I look into my hands, and I wonder why man would cause this world to die.
The world, so beautiful, made ugly by man.
The Earth stops, it decays, it dies.
Just as how time watches us from birth til death, I observe.
I observe the world.


.

Our Voice: Nightmare Compilations

Our Voice: Nightmare Compilations: THE NIGHTMARE Part 1: The First Encounter I'm running. I'm tired, exhausted, and afraid. I don't know where I'm going or what's behind...

Nightmare Compilations

THE NIGHTMARE

Part 1: The First Encounter

I'm running. I'm tired, exhausted, and afraid. I don't know where I'm going or what's behind me. It's chasing me....hunting me down......toying with me. It's laugh, so cynical, so evil, like it's mocking me. I'm running away but I don't know which way to turn....left.....right...or maybe up. As I run, flashbacks haunt me. Every time the beast spoke a new memory appeared. The visions of my friends revolting, betraying me, abandoning me, flooded my fragile mind with sadness. There's something wrong....these memories are not my own.  It's feeding me lies, but I'm too terrified and naive to notice. The beast gets closer. I can smell it's breathe, its stench choking me....engulfing me...strangling the life out of me. I'm engulfed in fear; its gravity weighs me down. I'm sweating now; the pressure is too much for me. It’s getting closer and there's no escape. I'm crying now, with tears that flow so cold. The beast is tempted, it knows its winning. The creature approaches, even closer than before. With fluctuating intent, it burns a hole through my sanity. It began to speak, with a voice so eloquent, with an utterance so malicious. It brought me pain, so intense, so permanent. Every time it spoke, chills rolled down my spine. "You're worth nothing, no one can save you. No one will even try to help you, just finish yourself off now." The demonic tone in his voice is so painful. It hurts me from the inside out; it's affecting me like a toxin.  My head is throbbing.....lack of oxygen.......I'm losing consciousness.......getting sleepy......closing my eyes.......fall....ing.......flowing....into.......deep.....sleep....."You're a waste of a soul" is the last thing I hear before my mind drifts away, before it escapes.  I wake up to voices screaming, no, shrieking in my head. "Where am I?" "What am I doing here?" I get up and I notice that I'm still in darkness. It's cold, yet I don't feel anything. How can that be? I'm shivering in this dark place, not out of frost, but of fear. My confidence is unknown, forgotten. My path is destined for failure but I MUST move on. The shrieking, once so unnerving, turns into innocence, a child-like laughter. "No one will love you, you're a waste of space", is what they sing...over.....and over.....and over again. I want it to stop, but it won’t. I want silence, but there is none. I can't take it anymore!! I must escape the voices, I must break free. I began running at a steady pace. I move further, and f-u-r-t-h-e-r, and f—u—r—t—h—e—r away, but my ears are still being invaded. The voices are getting louder, and louder, and louder. 

I see a light, so dim in the distance. As I get closer, the beast from before blocks my path. "You won't escape. You have nothing to live for. Be afraid and run like the coward you are." I look at its distorted face, into its demanding eyes and run straight ahead. It's time that I settle this. I MUST move on. There's brightness, luminosity. 

I see the light…

I wake up and I'm greeted by silence.....peace.  I can't really remember what just happened, "Was it a dream...or was it reality? Were the voices right? Am I really a waste of space?" My head still hurts.....but I'm thankful that the nightmare is now over.

Soon after my frightful encounter, I come to the grim realization, that the beast in my nightmare was a reflection of me. My mind concocted this creature from the all of the negative thoughts and emotions that compiled as time progressed. The voices, the child-like laughter, mirrored my younger self, mocking the cowardice disposition that I displayed. My greatest fear is the fear of myself. I'm afraid of one day failing to become the man that I strive so hard to be. But, even in times of stress, I must remember that I MUST move on. I must face my challenges and work to conquer all who stand in my way. If we can't even manage to have belief in our own success, do we really even deserve to have the capability to believe at all? All of these thoughts make me wonder, “Is my fight really over?” The nightmare hasn't been defeated yet. My journey is far from over, but only time can tell if whether I win or if the darkness finally takes over.

Part 2: The Nightmare’s Return

After our first encounter, I had felt as though that I had defeated you. It’s been a while since I last faltered your efforts at igniting my suffering. Little, did I know, that my so called “victory” was all a ploy. You are the embodiment of evil, in what you caused. I felt like I was stronger, like I could take on the world........ I was wrong. You wanted me to build a sense of false confidence. You once again manipulated my sanity, driving me to inevitable madness.  You came back to haunt me in my dreams. You received pleasure from altering them, changing them from the pleasant things they once were, into the horrific traumas they are now. What was once thought of, as a soothing release of my stress, has now manifested itself into the catalyst for my insanity. Every night it's the same thing. I struggle in bed, turning and jerking into awkward angles. I sit up on many occasions sobbing. My tears fall so violently. I stay alert, hoping that I don't fall asleep, in fear of having to face you again. Every night, it’s a fight for peace. I refuse to sleep because I know that if I shut my eyes; you will be there, waiting for me. With your psychotic smile, demonic inflation in your extravagant voice, and your pain inducing stare, you will taunt me. You will break me into pieces; tear me down to my lowest level. You make me feel like I'm worth nothing, useless. You use your tremendous size and your chaotic power to intimidate me, to push me into a corner so that I can't do anything to defend myself. I've driven myself insane trying to deal with the pain you've caused. My mental state is unpredictable. My emotional state is uncontrollable. I can't even talk to my closest friends, in fear that they'll leave me to suffer alone like you said they would. "Like you said they would". How did you gain this much control over me? Last time we met, I confronted you, ended you. Why did you all of a sudden come back? What do you want from me? With a voice that carries nothing but malice, you repeat over and over "No one will love you. You can't even be friends with yourself". I hear this day after day eventually believing it. Why won't you stay out of my head? I don't want to trust you. These demons inside of me are tearing me apart. I just want to be free. Be normal for once. All I want is to sleep without waking up in a pool of tears, or in unbearable pain. It seems to me that I can't get anything in this world. Nothing ever goes my way. I'm cursed to walk this earth alone, and afraid. Why can't I be happy? Why do I have all of these insecurities? Why am I suffering the way I am, at such a young age. I want answers......but the only way to get them is by tackling the problem head on. I must fight this battle. Overcome this obstacle. I must defeat this nightmare, or should I say, defeat myself once again. The fight with yourself is the hardest battle you'll ever fight. Let's hope that I can win mine without losing the bit of sanity I have left. …I drift effortlessly to sleep.

The darkness invades….

I wake up in a dream, no, a nightmare. I stand to my feet and search through the thick, obscure darkness. My vision loses all clarity as I begin to walk…step…step…..step. I continue my steady pace, blank in expression, lost within my own mind. I can hear the shadows calling my name, whispering into my tired ears. They voices are tempting me, musing me, like sirens calling the hypnotized crewmen to their doom. Step…step…step. I unknowingly walk towards something lurking in the unseen. My ears still housing the voices of my demise. “Come to us. Embrace us. Trust us. We will not betray you. We love you.” They tempt me. I inch closer and closer down this shrouded path. My destiny is predetermined. My efforts of resistance are useless. Step…step…step. I reach the end of the road, a ledge. I gaze down into the abyss. I’m gazing into my all-time low. “Come to us. Embrace us. Trust us. We will not betray you. We love you.” I start to believe. “What if these voices are right?” I inch closer. “What if what they speak is true?” One more inch. “They want to help me.” Another step is taken. “My loneliness is over.” I leap. “I can finally be happy.” I close my eyes as I fall recklessly into the unknown. My mind finally returns. “What have I done?” I have been misled. Embrace. Betray. Love. The lies they fed me have now thrown me into a whole new level of fear. When will the deceit end? As I fall into my subconscious, I begin to smell the stench of the beast. No, I am not falling into darkness. I am hurdling right into the beast’s lair. The stench suffocates me. I phase in and out of consciousness. I fall faster. My body begins to shut down. Fall faster. The gravity intensifies. Faster……I crash.

I wake to find myself spread out on a pile of stones…but these are more than just ordinary stones. I pick one up and closely examine its surface. There is some writing on the face of the rock but all I can make out is “When I grow up I wa…” then nothing. I realize that these are the ruins of my dreams and aspirations. My hope has sunken down into the deepest of darkness, just as I have. I begin to walk again down a path uncharted, towards a mysterious light at the end of the tunnel. I turn my head steadily and carefully to observe the tunnel’s jagged walls. “Come to us. Embrace us. Trust us. We will not betray you. We love you.” Those words, Embrace, Trust, Betray, are the words of the shadows. The voices got into my head, used me, manipulated me, and persuaded me. It was all a trick…but that’s not what’s important. I’m still trapped in the lair of the creature. I am in his domain and anything he says goes. Step…step…step. I walk cautiously towards the tunnel’s end. Step…step…step. The light is so inviting, enticing, I must keep on. Step…step…step. I reach the source of brightness. I can see everything now. So clear and so vivid is my vision as I approach. I know what I must do. It’s time to end this. 

A bloodcurdling scream leaves me frozen in my place. Its red eyes are gleaming with the intensity of pure hatred. I stand in place, unable to move. It leaps at me with incredible speed. No time to react……response impossible. I feel a pressure.

The Nightmare strikes….

The Creation of All Champions

Creation is the birth of something new. A new life. A new dream. A new beginning. We're all born to strive. We all have our own motivations in life that just keeps us moving, even through the hardest of times. Staying strong and believing in yourself is the one thing that will ensure your happiness. A happiness that shines as bright as the stars in the sky. Our hope, illuminates all in our path. Its power can change the most horrid of nightmares, into he sweetest of dreams. It is our mission to take life as a challege. A test of our skills. It is also our mission to take this challenge and overcome it. In our own ways, we are all fighters. We fight for what we believe in, and we fight for every dream....that evenually comes true. Through the toughest of fights, the gruesomest of wars, it's that motivation for change that keeps our mindsets on the right path. Our ambition for something greater, leads us on a journey of discovery. The paths we take, the trials we take, only make us stronger. We grow, mature, change, and develop into our own perception of greatness. We all have that urge, the will to move on, to create bigger and better things. I myself, am a dreamer. I believe that you can accomplish great things in life, like the champion you are. You must attain the confidence to fight for everything that makes you who you really are. No one else can fight this battle for you, but you can, and will have allies along the way. People who will stand by your side until the bitter end. And by doing this, we create something. We achieve great things, and we can finally call this rebirth "THE CREATION OF ALL CHAMPIONS"