After our first encounter I felt like that I've finally conquered you, defeated you. I felt like I was stronger, like I could take on the world........ I was wrong. You came back to haunt me in my dreams. Changing them from the pleasant things they once were, into the horrific traumas they are now. Every night it's the same thing. I sit up in bed crying, hoping that I don't fall asleep. I know that if I shut my eyes that you will be there........waiting for me. With your psychotic smile and demonic voice, you will taunt me. Make me feel like I'm worth nothing,. Useless. You use your tremendous size and your chaotic power to intimidate me, to push me into a corner so that I can't do anything to defend myself. I've driven myself insane trying to deal with the pain you've caused. My mental state is unpredictable. My emotional state is uncontrollable. I can't even talk to my closest friends, in fear that they'll leave me to suffer alone like you said they would. "Like you said they would". How did you gain this much control over me? Last time we met, I confronted you, ended you. Why did you all of a sudden come back? What do you want from me? With your echoing voice, you repeat over and over "No one will love you. You can't even be friends with yourself". I hear this day after day eventually believing it. Why won't you stay out of my head? I don't want to trust you. These demons inside of me are tearing me apart. I just want to be free. Be normal for once. All I want is to sleep without waking up in a pool of tears, or in unbearable pain. It seems to me that I can't get anything in this world. Nothing ever goes my way. I'm cursed to walk this earth alone, and afraid. Why can't I be happy? Why do I have all of these insecurities? Why am I suffering the way I am, at such a young age. I want answers......but the only way to get them is by tackling the problem head on. I must fight this battle. Over come this obstacle. I must defeat this nightmare, or should I say, defeat myself once again. The fight with yourself is the hardest battle you'll ever fight. Let's hope that I can win mine without losing the bit of sanity I have left.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
The Nightmare's Return
After our first encounter I felt like that I've finally conquered you, defeated you. I felt like I was stronger, like I could take on the world........ I was wrong. You came back to haunt me in my dreams. Changing them from the pleasant things they once were, into the horrific traumas they are now. Every night it's the same thing. I sit up in bed crying, hoping that I don't fall asleep. I know that if I shut my eyes that you will be there........waiting for me. With your psychotic smile and demonic voice, you will taunt me. Make me feel like I'm worth nothing,. Useless. You use your tremendous size and your chaotic power to intimidate me, to push me into a corner so that I can't do anything to defend myself. I've driven myself insane trying to deal with the pain you've caused. My mental state is unpredictable. My emotional state is uncontrollable. I can't even talk to my closest friends, in fear that they'll leave me to suffer alone like you said they would. "Like you said they would". How did you gain this much control over me? Last time we met, I confronted you, ended you. Why did you all of a sudden come back? What do you want from me? With your echoing voice, you repeat over and over "No one will love you. You can't even be friends with yourself". I hear this day after day eventually believing it. Why won't you stay out of my head? I don't want to trust you. These demons inside of me are tearing me apart. I just want to be free. Be normal for once. All I want is to sleep without waking up in a pool of tears, or in unbearable pain. It seems to me that I can't get anything in this world. Nothing ever goes my way. I'm cursed to walk this earth alone, and afraid. Why can't I be happy? Why do I have all of these insecurities? Why am I suffering the way I am, at such a young age. I want answers......but the only way to get them is by tackling the problem head on. I must fight this battle. Over come this obstacle. I must defeat this nightmare, or should I say, defeat myself once again. The fight with yourself is the hardest battle you'll ever fight. Let's hope that I can win mine without losing the bit of sanity I have left.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment